Men in White Coats

Most people don't know that there are no "Men in White Coats" that come and pick you up if you aren't "thinking straight." We don't wear white coats like you see in the movies or on tv. We wear blue police uniforms.

If you have a close friend or relative that you think is a danger to themselves or to someone else, you simple go down to the Coroner's office and get an Order of Protective Custody (OPC). Once the OPC is signed, the police department is notified and given a copy. It's now our job to pick this person up and take them to the medical facility listed on the OPC.

With that introduction, lets get down to what this post is about. The people we meet or come in contact with while executing OPC's. I don't want to offend anyone by posting this and I am not trying to make fun of these people. I know it is an illness and out of their control. When dealing with people with mental illness, I have found it is a lot better to treat them with respect and compassion and they usually come with me willingly to the hospital. One such subject I'll call "Mr. Brown." I had dealt with Mr. Brown many times and I guess I treated him pretty good because he took a liking to me. Mr. Brown is well over six feet tall and probably over 250 pounds. He is massive and not in an overweight kind of way but in a muscular way. Most of the time I came across Mr. Brown, he was homeless and in need of a shower. ** SIDE NOTE - not every homeless person is in need of your handouts or deserves them. Most of the ones I have dealt with choose to be homeless and rely on the kindness of others to support their addictions instead of becoming self sufficient.** Ok, back to Mr. Brown. For this story, Mr. Brown actually had a room at this boarding house. I was so glad to hear he had a place to stay but we were continously called to this boarding house because of Mr. Brown. On this occassion, we were let inside the house and were escorted to Mr. Brown's room. I could hear what sounded like loud music and a tv cranked up in the room. When we finally got him to answer, he recognized me and allowed us to go in. Once inside the room, Mr. Brown proudly began showing off his prize possessions. I had to chuckle a little to myself when I noticed a bible opened up on top of a couple porno magazines sitting on his bed. This combined with the crazy music playing on a little radio and Sister Angelica on the TV. While talking to Mr. Brown, a female officer asked him what he was chewing on. He removed what was determined to be a condom from his mouth and told us it was his gum. I was pretty stunned from this and hoped that it was a new one from its packaging, but I had my doubts when he began showing us the contents of his pockets. He began emptying his pockets after I explained to him that I had to take him to the hospital to see the doctor, I told him I needed to make sure he didn't have any weapons before getting into my car. He began pulling out all kinds of things from his pockets but what caught my eye was a tampon applicator. The other officer pointed to it and asked why he had it. He replied that it was his drinking straw!

By this time, we had been there for quite a while and needed to wrap things up and get Mr. Brown to the hospital. Our policy dictates that we have to place handcuffs on any subject that we transport like this. I really didn't want to have to fight with this giant of a man, especially since he was twice my size and the female officer that was with me was half my size. He agreed to come with me but asked that I put the handcuffs on outside instead of in the house in front of his roommates. On the way out, we had to go down this very narrow hallway that ran the length of the house. The house was not built as a boarding house but was converted and the hallway was unusually narrow. I followed directly behind Mr. Brown and was waiting for him to open the front door, when he quickly turned around and put his tree trunk arms around me in a bear hug. My heart dropped and I was completely at his mercy. I just knew it was about to get ugly until Mr. Brown said, "I love you!" The only thing I could do at this point was say, "I love you too" and "can you please put me down?" Mr. Brown gently brought my feet back down to the ground and went to the hospital without a fuss.

This is a long post so maybe next time I'll tell the story about the man that called the police because aliens from Avery Island were coming out of butt and talking to him through his TV.

The Bar-B-Que Wars

On holidays, as you may know, a lot of people tend to BBQ with their families. In some parts of town, after a few hours of cooking and drinking, and more drinking, family members start getting on each other's nerves. One thing leads to another and before you know it, the police are being invited to the party. We like to call this the Bar-B-Que Wars. Today being Father's Day, and with the crazy heat wave, the wars started a few hours earlier than usual.

For all the father's out there that may read this blog, be thankful for what you received, even if it was just a simple hug and/or someone telling you, "Happy Father's Day." The reason why I am telling you this is because you could have received what this guy did from his son!

Happy Father's Day

Crazy things people call the police for

Over the years I have responded to a lot of calls requesting police assistance. Nothing surprises me anymore, at least not lately. After leaving some of these calls, I often wondered why they thought I would be able to help them, or why the thought of calling the police came to mind in the first place. Here are a few reasons people have called the police and I will start off with my favorite of all time:

• My wife wont have sex with me. - Man, if this was a true problem the police could help people with, do you know how many calls a night we would be getting from guys! I can imagine another stupid call steming from this one from women - My husband won't stop asking me for sex! I can also hear her saying, "Honey, I'm tired, please don't call the police tonight."
• He/she won't take his medicine.
• She won't let me watch what I want to on tv.
• My child doesn't want to go to school. - Ok, This one really agravates me and I have to rant about it a second. This kind of call makes me wish I could revoke their right to be a parent. I could write an entire blog just on people's lack of parenting skills. Anyway, here is what I like doing just to get the ball rolling so I can leave and get back to real police work. I like walking into the kids bedroom, grabbing them by their arm while they are sleeping, and asking the parent, "Have you tried this yet," as I pull the kid out of the bed and onto the floor. This usually works. Enough about that, back to the list.
• My husband won't give me any money. - My suggestion for all you ladies that my have this problem is - pawn his golf clubs or anything else that is near and dear to him, as long as it is community property and half yours. Then give him the pawn receipt and tell him if he wants his stuff, go pay the pawn shop. Problem solved and I'm sure the next time you ask for money, it may not be a problem. On a side note though, if you have to ask for money, shop around for a new husband. there are plenty out there that will treat you as an equal or better.
• There are kids playing basketball in the street. - Ok, if this is a neighborhood street with not a lot of traffic, SO WHAT! They could be breaking into your cars at night or something worse.

Ok, there are plenty more but that is enough to give you an idea of what police officers have to put up with on a day to day basis.

Every day is different

Every day you go to work as a Police Officer, you never know what you will come across. People call the police for the dumbest things, but I'll save that for another post. This is my first post on the blog so I'll share a story about a call I handled today. Here goes . . .

While handling a complaint for a burglary, I was wrapping things up there and giving my good bye's when we heard a loud bang. One of the staff looked through the fence surrounding the property and yelled, "don't throw trash in our dumpster!" With this being an offense, and clearly upsetting the property owners, I went after the "perp." (We don't really use that word at work but for all of you tv watchers, I thought I would throw it in.) After making the stop, I asked if he had just thrown something away in the dumpster and he stated yes. I informed him that he was breaking the law and asked what it was he put in the dumpster. He replied, "a parking meter." I wasn't sure I heard right and asked again. When he said a parking meter again, I ordered him to turn around and meet me near the dumpster. I looked inside the recently emptied dumpster and found a working parking meter with the digital read out still blinking. After advising the subject of his rights, I began questioning him. The subject, which was determined to be a local college student, and which I assumed had some intelligence, advised he found it in the bed of his truck after a class he attended on campus. I asked if he had ever seen such a thing (parking meter) before and he advised there were some downtown. When asked if he knew who it might belong to, the idiot stated, "I dont know." I suggested that it probably belonged to city government and he quickly agreed. I asked if he thought the city would want their stolen property back and he told me he didn't know who to call. I suggested . . . maybe 9-1-1! After taking a closer look at the meter, I also suggested that he propbably could have called one of the two phone numbers posted on the meter! Heck, he could have stopped to talk to the officer in the police car he had to pass up to get to the dumpster!

Clearly, the "perp" has a long road ahead of him if he plans on completing college. Well, maybe not. Common sense doesn't play a big part in passing exams that are derived from reading text or listening to a lecture.

Also, if you are wondering . . . no i didn't arrest him for possession of stolen property. I figured him having to go through life with such few brain cells was punishment enough.

There you have it. One of the many stories I have to tell from the last 10 years of being a police officer.